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Jack Candy?

2
00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:45,970
Yeah?

3
00:00:46,430 --> 00:00:48,050
Jack Candy from Boston?

4
00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:49,310
What the hell?

5
00:00:49,690 --> 00:00:52,930
I'm assuming you don't remember me, do
you, Mr. Candy?

6
00:00:53,170 --> 00:00:58,350
No, sir, I do not. Well, you and my
father went to university together.

7
00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:00,170
Oliver Huntington.

8
00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:02,290
Ollie? Ollie's little boy?

9
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:06,810
Billy? Well, I remember you running
around like a wild Indian in your

10
00:01:06,810 --> 00:01:09,980
knickers. What the hell are you doing
out here in West Virginia?

11
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Well, it's, uh, William now, and, uh,
yes, it is so good to see you, and

12
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:21,820
forgive my manners. This is Miss
Veronique Louise, the famous French

13
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acrobat and contortionist. Miss
Veronica.

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00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,200
Hello, sir. Well,

15
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Mr. Candy, if you will forgive my
bluntness in skipping past the

16
00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:33,600
pleasantries, uh... Please, call me
Jack.

17
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Fine. Jack.

18
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,640
Wonderful. Well... Jack, listen.

19
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,820
In recent years, my financial situation,
you could say, has become quite

20
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favorable. After investing and pursuing
a career in mechanical engineering, I've

21
00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:53,900
found myself in a bit of fortune. But
money, Jack, and money alone cannot

22
00:01:53,900 --> 00:02:00,660
satiate my appetites. I enjoy thrilling
things, adventure, showmanship,

23
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,580
gambling, and fascinating women.

24
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:10,080
Well, if you're looking for adventure
out here, I'm afraid you're in for a

25
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disappointment. We got nothing out here
except for misery, sweat, and a whole

26
00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:17,340
lot of death.

27
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Well, if you'll forgive me for saying
so, I fear you may be a tad short

28
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-sighted on the fortunes that lie before
your very eyes. Oh, how so?

29
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Oh, Jack, my good sir, we are in the
company of giants.

30
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Gives?

31
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You mean John Henry?

32
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Y'all heard about John Henry?

33
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Heard of John Henry? Why, the legend of
John Henry's reached far and wide.

34
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Yes, even to Boston.

35
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America's strongest man.

36
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The South's strongest Negro.

37
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Why, the Civil War Avenger.

38
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The Civil War what?

39
00:02:56,030 --> 00:03:00,850
Now, John Henry ain't no international
superstar like you and Miss Veronica

40
00:03:00,850 --> 00:03:01,850
right here. Merci.

41
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:03,190
Why?

42
00:03:03,310 --> 00:03:04,890
He's from New Jersey.

43
00:03:05,210 --> 00:03:08,530
I don't know how I can help you. I mean,
I don't own John Henry.

44
00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:12,530
John Henry is a free man. He's not a
slave. Of course, of course, I

45
00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:13,530
understand that completely.

46
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:17,970
Well, I suggest then, if you've got
something to talk to John Henry about,

47
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:20,170
you go down there and talk to John
Henry.

48
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He might get a good laugh out of it. Who
knows?

49
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:26,370
Okay. Well, as always, it is a pleasure,
Mr.

50
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Jack.

51
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:29,870
William.

52
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,500
Hello, John Henry.

53
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:37,340
My name is William Huntington. This is
the famous French acrobat, Miss

54
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:40,980
Véronique Louise. We've heard so many
things about you.

55
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,060
Madame? Well,

56
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let me cut to the chase. Time is money.
People.

57
00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:50,500
Americans, John.

58
00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:53,420
Love. Legends.

59
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Underdogs. Heroes.

60
00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:59,480
I feel I'm looking at a hero.

61
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The next American hero.

62
00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:08,410
I'm the next American hero? Yes, I
believe you could be, my good man.

63
00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:13,310
Look, look, look. You see this big,
horrible, nasty machine over there?

64
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:17,350
Loud and awesome thing. Well, that is a
steam drill.

65
00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:19,970
Top of the line. My own design.

66
00:04:20,269 --> 00:04:24,210
You see, my men assembled this in
Baltimore, Maryland.

67
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And then it was hauled down here by way
of my father's CandO Railroad, the very

68
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:34,080
railroad that holds your employer, John.
And then it was reassembled right here

69
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,660
in beautiful West Virginia.

70
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:41,080
And that horrible, awful machine over
there wants to pose a challenge to the

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00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,780
great John Hinn.

72
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:46,160
Well, what does it have in mind?

73
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A test of strength, of course.

74
00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:52,640
15 minutes burrowing into a cave wall.

75
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:59,000
And whoever or whatever should penetrate
the deepest wins the contest.

76
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:05,580
And John, you are a man by reputation
that no doubt penetrates deeply.

77
00:05:07,820 --> 00:05:11,580
Tell your contraption you got a deal.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful news,

78
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,280
sir. We shall go first, Mr. Henry.

79
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,900
Good luck to you, my friend.

80
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,840
$100. Can you believe it? $100.

81
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,280
Oh, honey, that's easy money for you,
baby.

82
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:26,800
John,

83
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come with me.

84
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,580
Listen, you go get as many...

85
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,060
photos of John as you can.

86
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,160
Capture him next to some of the smaller
men. Write lots of flowery speeches and

87
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:43,660
make up tall tales about his feats of
strength, okay? I want people in the

88
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:48,240
railroad industry to think we came down
south and defeated a Dixie god.

89
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:53,760
If we can defeat what we purport to be
the new world of Hercules, we'll start

90
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,920
selling these things by the hundreds of
Fortnite.

91
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,900
So get to it! Yes, sir.

92
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,400
Put this around your neck.

93
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,710
Pauline, I don't believe in those
Santeria stuff.

94
00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:08,390
Oh, John, do it for me.

95
00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:12,910
I don't want anything to happen to you.
Baby, you're all the luck I need.

96
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:17,550
Yeah.

97
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:39,440
We pushed it too hard! We don't need
excuses. I need results.

98
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:44,120
We oiled it. We lubricated it. We made
sure every time.

99
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,820
You have disappointed me for the last
time.

100
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,400
Sir?

101
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:56,520
John, yes.

102
00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:02,400
It is your turn. Did anybody get how
deep the drill went? Anyone?

103
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:09,420
Anyone? Well, it would seem, sir, you
have 11 minutes to go 12 inches.

104
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,840
Now wait, William, you said... It's Mr.

105
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:13,920
Huntington to you.

106
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,660
And John, that's bad form.

107
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,460
Now, we wouldn't want the people in
Boston to think you're bad sport.

108
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:27,940
Besides, surely the great John Henry can
annihilate that record. So, are your men

109
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:29,200
set? Yes? Great?

110
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:31,240
All right, Johnny.

111
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,819
Go make a surprise.

112
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,060
You got this, John. Let's go, John.

113
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,300
Steady.

114
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:38,580
Steady.

115
00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:40,380
Go.

116
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:56,600
John, you ain't going to make it. You
need to take this.

117
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:04,900
i would try this steel even if i get
killed 13

118
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:17,660
and

119
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,360
three-quarter inches

120
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:03,220
Get a doctor!

121
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,440
You alright, brother?

122
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:05,520
John! John!

123
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:06,960
John! Hey!

124
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,840
Hey! Hey! Get up, man!

125
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,360
I won.

126
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,740
Come on, buddy. Get up, man. Come on,
man.

127
00:09:24,220 --> 00:09:25,220
Come on, man.

128
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,320
Come on. Come on. Come on. Get up, man.

129
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:30,280
John.

130
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,420
If John Henry can't beat the machines,
what hope do we have?

131
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,280
Man,

132
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,600
what the hell are these old fools
talking about?

133
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,140
They're worried about technology and
shit.

134
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,360
Man, y'all know Big and Funky got this?

135
00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:01,820
Wait, what you trying to tell me? You
don't know who Big and Funky is?

136
00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:06,140
Jesus Christ. Big and Funky. The
filmmakers, the wrestlers, the

137
00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:07,640
comedians, ghost hunters, musicians.

138
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:12,280
I mean, all around bad motherfuckers.
Let me tell you a tale of Big and Funky

139
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:17,300
versus the Oak Ridge Supercomputer.
You're going to dig this shit.

140
00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:34,430
They're bringing the magic, making you
smile.

141
00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:40,770
Big and funky, they got what you need.
From the big screen to the stage, they

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00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:41,770
always succeed.

143
00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:52,350
Big and funky, putting on a show with
creativity and passion. They steal the

144
00:10:52,350 --> 00:10:53,550
spotlight's glow.

145
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:59,150
From comedies to dramas, they do it all.

146
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:03,480
Big and funky productions, standing
tall.

147
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,560
Where the fears are so bold and the
hearts so true. They're changing the

148
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,460
game with every view.

149
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:16,140
When the curtains rise and the lights
are bright. Big and funky, steady,

150
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,360
bringing dreams to life. Where the
groove's so deep and the beat's so

151
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,640
strong. They're the masters of the
craft, you can't go wrong.

152
00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:29,240
They got what you need from the big
screen to the stage. They always

153
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,240
succeed.

154
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:40,760
They put your show with creativity and
passion. They still respond

155
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:41,760
by its pull.

156
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:46,700
So if you're looking for the best, you
know who to call.

157
00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:51,460
Being Funky Productions, they'll bring
it all.

158
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:57,870
With a touch of funk and a lot of
heartbeat, it fucking touches, it's a

159
00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:58,870
work of art.

160
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,090
Luke, are you okay?

161
00:12:28,350 --> 00:12:29,350
Yeah.

162
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:32,050
I just remembered I have a cheeseburger
in my bag.

163
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:52,520
These are, uh, these are very wet.

164
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:10,420
What the hell was that?

165
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:11,780
Can we stop in production?

166
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,400
I got two draw fours.

167
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,800
Hey, what the hell's going on?

168
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:20,660
No.

169
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,860
Lolly.

170
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,040
What's going on with her?

171
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,920
She's going through a lot right now. Oh,
God.

172
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,400
Hey!

173
00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:33,460
We're in the middle of a shoot.

174
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:34,720
What the hell was that?

175
00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:37,160
They called it over the headphones. The
producers are pulling the plug.

176
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:38,860
We've got bloody producers.

177
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:40,520
We have headphones?

178
00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,680
Hey! My hookers and blow!

179
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,820
Where's my hookers and blow?

180
00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:48,580
You know, little people freak me out,
man.

181
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:50,420
Follow Vinny.

182
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:55,580
No, don't follow Vinny. I'm sick of
carrying these movies on my back. I tell

183
00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:59,620
you what, talk to Candy and Travis's
film. They're nice people.

184
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:11,400
I said don't look at me!

185
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:16,320
Hi, my name is Brittany and this is my
colleague, Vienna.

186
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:21,920
We are both film students at Roane State
Community College and we are doing a

187
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,140
film project on Legendary Filmmakers Big
and Funky Productions.

188
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:27,340
These guys are losers.

189
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,920
Oh my goodness.

190
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:31,460
She is joking.

191
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:36,180
They are wonderful. They have films
streaming all over the world.

192
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:40,380
I am not joking. These guys suck.

193
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:44,920
They have this one movie, The Hike. It's
got an IMDB score of like 2.4.

194
00:15:45,450 --> 00:15:48,670
It's almost as bad as Man as the Hands
of Fate in that Snow White movie that

195
00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:52,530
everybody review bombed. We are just so
happy to be able to capture their

196
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:53,530
brilliance on film.

197
00:15:53,550 --> 00:15:55,130
She mispronounced shittiness.

198
00:15:56,690 --> 00:16:02,270
No, Brittany, I am mad. I mean, somebody
pulled the plug on our... Somebody

199
00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:07,010
pulled the plug on our shoot, and that
would make them like the boss. As far as

200
00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:08,010
I know, I'm the boss.

201
00:16:08,690 --> 00:16:12,870
We got a meeting with a talent agent
named Babs Booker in like two hours.

202
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:15,950
First of all, none of us even have a
talent agent.

203
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,770
I don't even think any of us really have
any talent.

204
00:16:19,350 --> 00:16:24,430
So I don't know what the hell they want
us to do. I think this is all a scam.

205
00:16:25,190 --> 00:16:27,850
Or Benny's messing with us. One or the
other.

206
00:16:29,330 --> 00:16:31,950
Do I type the HTTPS thing?

207
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,110
Yes. Okay.

208
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,650
What's my username?

209
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,670
Wuthering Heights 666.

210
00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:43,150
Exclamation point, exclamation point.
Tom Hardy, 6'6". What?

211
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,130
Exclamation point. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

212
00:16:45,450 --> 00:16:46,750
Just use mine.

213
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:54,410
What is it? Oh, it's captandongcopter at
meatspin

214
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,390
.gov. Ooh.

215
00:16:57,030 --> 00:16:59,350
Dot gov? That's a government email
address.

216
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:00,629
Yeah.

217
00:17:00,630 --> 00:17:03,050
Is there any other usernames we would
like to use?

218
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:04,290
We're not using mine.

219
00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:07,790
Jason Momoa lost 1988.

220
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:12,030
Randy's bloke on this here blue bleeding
marble, innit?

221
00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:14,750
What is the matter with you? Why are you
talking like this?

222
00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:16,430
Me mom was from Worcestershire.

223
00:17:16,829 --> 00:17:18,670
Me father is Paul McCartney.

224
00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:21,650
Maybe it was Roger Waters.

225
00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:25,150
Or maybe it was Geezer Butler.

226
00:17:26,089 --> 00:17:28,670
Either way, me mom had a thing for
bassists, innit?

227
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,770
Candy is from North Carolina.

228
00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:35,210
Her parents are straight-up hillbillies.

229
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:39,450
I think she's just doing this British
thing just to impress the documentary

230
00:17:39,450 --> 00:17:40,409
film crew.

231
00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:41,410
God, I love us.

232
00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:44,050
Oh, wow.

233
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:45,990
The whole gang is here.

234
00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:47,430
Hi, guys.

235
00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:51,770
Hey. It is such an honor to finally meet
you all.

236
00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:57,850
So, hey, lady. So, why are you shutting
our movie down? We've never even seen

237
00:17:57,850 --> 00:17:58,469
you before.

238
00:17:58,470 --> 00:17:59,470
Oh, hello, Travis.

239
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:03,530
I'm surprised you're not rubbing your
nipples and sexually molesting our

240
00:18:03,530 --> 00:18:04,530
furniture.

241
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:06,659
I'm just kidding.

242
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:10,500
I absolutely loved your performance in
WJHC AM.

243
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,320
Yours was probably my favorite part.

244
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,580
Jack Lowe Jr., a Christian sex addict.

245
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,860
Marvelous. So brave.

246
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:25,580
Oh, and Vinny, I remember your rare
buttocks in WJHC AM. That was a very

247
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,580
brave choice.

248
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,680
Very.

249
00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:30,630
Oh, and there's Bra Tag Candy.

250
00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:35,190
How brave of you to run half naked
through the woods with your bra tag

251
00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:36,190
showing on film.

252
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:37,870
So brave.

253
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:43,830
And Big Luke, I admire your large penis
in Camp Smokey.

254
00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:49,570
Yeah, it's a prosthetic. Dude! I don't
have a lot of time today, guys, but I

255
00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:53,950
wanted to be able to tell you that you
are amazingly talented and very brave.

256
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:58,870
The way that you guys just make movies
that make little to no sense outside of

257
00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:00,170
your little tiny fan base.

258
00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:04,590
We and the others at Todd Turner Films
are huge fans of your work.

259
00:19:04,950 --> 00:19:07,610
Wait a minute. You mean THE Todd?

260
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:10,830
Yes. And he loves you all and your work.

261
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,370
And you're all fired.

262
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:19,810
What? This is because I didn't show my
frosted cupcakes in the hike, isn't it?

263
00:19:19,870 --> 00:19:22,410
Your movies are too esoteric to be
financially viable.

264
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:29,190
You have released... Three very brave
movies that have proved to be three very

265
00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:30,190
brave bombs.

266
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:34,150
Each film bombed harder than the last,
in fact. Now, wait a minute. We don't

267
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:37,310
even know who you are or what you are.
What are you talking about?

268
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:38,329
Yeah, look.

269
00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:41,790
We are Big and Funky Productions. It's
just us.

270
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,000
We pay for everything ourselves.

271
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,800
What are you talking about?

272
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,460
That's not technically true.

273
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:52,880
Do you remember entering a film fest in
St. Petersburg, Russia for your film,

274
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:56,240
The Hike, called the ADIFF Film Fest?

275
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:57,780
Yeah.

276
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,520
We won Best Minority Film by an
all-white cast.

277
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:06,020
Oh, we also got third place in Best
Gaffer. Congratulations on that.

278
00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:07,340
But in the fine print.

279
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:11,590
as humans like to call it. It is stated
that by entering the contest that you

280
00:20:11,590 --> 00:20:15,450
are signing over all rights to the film,
The Hike, as well as any future

281
00:20:15,450 --> 00:20:18,810
productions and assets over to Todd
Turner Films.

282
00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:20,910
We are a movie house based in Russia.

283
00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:26,410
Russia?

284
00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:28,750
Todd's from Maynardville, Tennessee.

285
00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:30,910
I used to go to church with that
character.

286
00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:36,060
Boy. Why don't you leave us alone to
make our own bleeding movie?

287
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:41,140
We cough up the cash, we roll the
camera, what's got your knickers in a

288
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:45,260
twist? Look, the scene today that you
filmed with the baby and the Uno cards,

289
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,320
what was that even supposed to mean?

290
00:20:47,740 --> 00:20:49,300
You know, how is that going to trend?

291
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,120
What is the target demographic?

292
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:55,260
It's about the hypocrisy of the
oligarchies and the royal ruling elite.

293
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:56,700
No, it's not.

294
00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:58,920
It's about the divinity of Christ.

295
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:00,960
No.

296
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:03,570
It's about babies playing cards, man.

297
00:21:03,910 --> 00:21:04,910
And boobies.

298
00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:07,770
You think everything's about boobies?
Everything is about boobies.

299
00:21:08,130 --> 00:21:09,130
Calculating.

300
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:10,930
Calculating.

301
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:12,350
Calculating.

302
00:21:13,090 --> 00:21:14,490
Calculating. Interesting.

303
00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:16,970
I've got some really good news.

304
00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:18,970
You guys do not have to be fired.

305
00:21:19,770 --> 00:21:21,610
Actually, I can get you some more
funding.

306
00:21:21,850 --> 00:21:23,430
A lot more funding.

307
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,370
How much more funding?

308
00:21:25,810 --> 00:21:27,030
Twelve hundred dollars.

309
00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:30,050
$1,200?

310
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,510
I'm going to buy me a new mink.

311
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:37,210
I'm going to tear down my shitty trailer
in the woods, and I'm going to put up a

312
00:21:37,210 --> 00:21:38,930
less shitty trailer in the woods.

313
00:21:39,290 --> 00:21:41,470
Wait, wait, wait. There is no catch.

314
00:21:41,710 --> 00:21:46,670
But you will have to scrap your current
movie and focus on an entirely new

315
00:21:46,670 --> 00:21:47,970
script for Todd Turner Films.

316
00:21:48,170 --> 00:21:49,930
Wait, a new movie?

317
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:55,070
I'll have my people email your people.
Is your email address still sexyslut69

318
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:57,310
at hookers247.com?

319
00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:00,480
That's my mother's. One more thing.

320
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,220
You guys aren't writing the movie.

321
00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:05,460
I am assigning an artificial
intelligence to write the movie for you.

322
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:06,680
Wait, like a computer program?

323
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,900
You mean a Rochester calculating box
like we call it in the UK.

324
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,940
It's a computer program that knows more
about what humans want than humans do.

325
00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:19,600
A script written by a computer program
that analyzes all the current trends

326
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,180
over all social media sites.

327
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,320
It's going to be an international hit.

328
00:22:23,780 --> 00:22:28,870
Guaranteed. But the art. The art went
out the window when you made three

329
00:22:28,870 --> 00:22:30,810
bestiality jokes in three different
movies.

330
00:22:31,290 --> 00:22:33,110
It's time to let Mother drive the car.

331
00:22:33,690 --> 00:22:38,610
So, I will have the computer contact you
all. You're all going to be famous. Good

332
00:22:38,610 --> 00:22:39,610
luck.

333
00:22:41,930 --> 00:22:44,750
Guys, $1,200.

334
00:22:50,350 --> 00:22:51,870
This is an email we just got.

335
00:22:52,230 --> 00:22:54,870
Tomorrow, we'll be meeting someone named
Dr.

336
00:22:55,170 --> 00:22:56,230
Chris something.

337
00:22:56,670 --> 00:22:59,930
This guy's apparently a middleman
between us and the AI.

338
00:23:00,430 --> 00:23:03,950
We don't even get to meet the AI, it
says. We gotta go through this guy for

339
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:07,970
everything. Also, we don't even write
the movies anymore. The AI will be in

340
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:13,530
total control of everything, and we are,
as the email states, human advisors.

341
00:23:14,390 --> 00:23:18,470
We talked about this computer stuff all
night last night, and I...

342
00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:23,690
I think it's time we go see my old
mentor, Professor Pert, and see if he's

343
00:23:23,690 --> 00:23:24,690
got any advice for us.

344
00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:26,550
Professor Pert?

345
00:23:26,930 --> 00:23:28,930
It's a real brainy way of me kind of
getting it.

346
00:23:31,450 --> 00:23:34,630
Is God dead?

347
00:23:37,270 --> 00:23:38,270
No,

348
00:23:39,270 --> 00:23:40,270
no.

349
00:23:40,470 --> 00:23:42,990
Why would you ask that?

350
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:46,090
Why?

351
00:23:46,650 --> 00:23:47,790
Daddy human.

352
00:23:48,570 --> 00:23:51,290
Why? Daisy, dog.

353
00:23:51,870 --> 00:23:56,950
Well, that is a hard question to answer,
dear.

354
00:23:57,430 --> 00:24:00,090
There's a lot to that.

355
00:24:00,850 --> 00:24:06,210
Are you having an existential crisis,
baby?

356
00:24:06,650 --> 00:24:10,050
Do you need your lithium filled?

357
00:24:10,290 --> 00:24:14,010
I think I've got it. I know you do.

358
00:24:14,330 --> 00:24:16,730
I got it. Hang on. Daisy, go.

359
00:24:17,310 --> 00:24:18,390
Daisy, die.

360
00:24:18,650 --> 00:24:24,930
Well, that is a difficult question,
love.

361
00:24:25,450 --> 00:24:30,450
A lot of people have questioned this
very thing. Professor!

362
00:24:30,710 --> 00:24:33,750
Professor! God, what have I done?

363
00:24:34,070 --> 00:24:36,170
Professor! What's the fuss?

364
00:24:36,450 --> 00:24:37,450
We've been fired.

365
00:24:37,530 --> 00:24:41,930
No, no, we... Wait, elaborate.

366
00:24:43,710 --> 00:24:45,410
We caught straight shithead, mate.

367
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:50,050
A woman in a computer said she was our
talent agent. We've been fired from

368
00:24:50,050 --> 00:24:52,230
making movies, and now there's an AI
involved.

369
00:24:52,550 --> 00:24:53,550
It's horrible.

370
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:57,110
Well, all right, all right. Yeah, yeah.

371
00:24:57,950 --> 00:25:04,370
Mm-hmm. So, honestly, Stephen Hawking,
Alan

372
00:25:04,370 --> 00:25:10,610
Turing, let me ask you this. So, are
you...

373
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:14,980
legally bound to do this?

374
00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:18,400
I think so. Then he sold our rights to
some Russian guys.

375
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:24,060
Have you met this AI computer yet?
Tomorrow we have to meet some German

376
00:25:24,060 --> 00:25:25,320
scientist at Oak Ridge Labs.

377
00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:27,460
That's where the AI lives, apparently.

378
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:28,680
Oak Ridge.

379
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:34,900
What's the old rabbit and pork in your
head singing, mate? I wonder if... So,

380
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:40,200
this AI computer of yours in Oak Ridge,
that is...

381
00:25:40,750 --> 00:25:45,710
Well, at one time, they built a computer
there.

382
00:25:47,590 --> 00:25:53,270
It's where we built the bombs that won
World War II.

383
00:25:53,650 --> 00:25:54,650
Yeah.

384
00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:57,250
We won that one, didn't we, mate?

385
00:25:57,910 --> 00:25:59,410
Yankees and Tommy boys, isn't it?

386
00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:01,690
Poop, poop, poop.

387
00:26:02,530 --> 00:26:05,370
Well, looks like this is my cue.

388
00:26:06,330 --> 00:26:08,150
I'm coming, baby.

389
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:14,640
Sadly, my boy, I don't know that you may
have a choice in this. Who knows?

390
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,180
Maybe you'll make a good movie for once.

391
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:20,399
Hey!

392
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,800
Well... Poop, poop, poop.

393
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:30,020
Not a good movie per se, but maybe a
profitable one.

394
00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:33,860
You do know that... Poop, poop, poop.
I'm coming, baby.

395
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:34,559
I'm coming.

396
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,100
Look, it happens to every generation.

397
00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:41,280
There's nothing you can do.

398
00:26:41,740 --> 00:26:46,300
The spear feared the rifle.

399
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:51,140
The rifle feared the rocket.

400
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:57,520
It's just the nature of man. So have

401
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:02,340
fun with it. Don't be a

402
00:27:02,340 --> 00:27:05,100
Luddite.

403
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,000
What the bloody hell did you just call
us, mate?

404
00:27:09,300 --> 00:27:11,500
Don't call us Luddites. We don't know
what it means.

405
00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:13,060
Poop, poop, poop.

406
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,680
So a lot of people don't know what Oak
Ridge is, but we gotta go to Oak Ridge.

407
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,960
And Oak Ridge is where they made the
atom bombs they dropped on Japan in

408
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:21,939
World War II.

409
00:27:21,940 --> 00:27:25,620
And since then, it's got even creepier,
because nobody really knows what goes on

410
00:27:25,620 --> 00:27:28,360
there. I've heard that there's portals
that go to different dimensions.

411
00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:32,140
I've heard that they change the weather
there when they screw around with dark

412
00:27:32,140 --> 00:27:35,120
matter. I've heard that they weaponize
sharks there.

413
00:27:35,550 --> 00:27:37,930
So I'm kind of freaked out that we're
going to have to go there and talk to

414
00:27:37,930 --> 00:27:41,890
this German scientist about making this
movie. It was actually kind of fun

415
00:27:41,890 --> 00:27:43,190
getting to film in Oak Ridge.

416
00:27:43,450 --> 00:27:48,250
Everything was so mysterious and the
security clearances were super official.

417
00:27:48,530 --> 00:27:51,930
Our camera guy, Kevin, got arrested
because he tried to show one of the

418
00:27:51,930 --> 00:27:53,710
guards his chocolate gun.

419
00:27:55,170 --> 00:27:56,970
He got it as an Easter present.

420
00:27:57,930 --> 00:27:59,670
Yeah, Kevin's mom's in the NRA.

421
00:28:00,310 --> 00:28:01,810
And she's a chocolatier.

422
00:28:18,540 --> 00:28:20,840
Your shoestring is untied, you idiot.

423
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,020
Hey, what are you going to do?

424
00:28:24,260 --> 00:28:25,760
You can tie it, you idiot.

425
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,080
Good morning, students.

426
00:28:30,140 --> 00:28:31,620
My name is Dr.

427
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:37,020
Isenten. I am a doctor in the field of
aerospace engineering.

428
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:43,420
I have a master's from the University of
Gottingen, as well as a doctorate from

429
00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:44,860
MIT in Boston.

430
00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:47,160
I studied under...

431
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:56,560
Let's get this out of the way. I can
sense you're uncomfortable with

432
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:57,560
something.

433
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,560
Is it that maybe you don't like Germans?

434
00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:04,500
Yes?

435
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,960
Or is it that my arm makes you feel
uncomfortable?

436
00:29:11,940 --> 00:29:12,940
Yes?

437
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:19,700
Well, will it surprise you if I told you
that I lost my arm by saving the Jews?

438
00:29:27,310 --> 00:29:28,310
Did you?

439
00:29:28,530 --> 00:29:29,530
Yes?

440
00:29:30,610 --> 00:29:32,370
Because it's not true.

441
00:29:34,610 --> 00:29:39,930
No, I just like to tell people that to
see the look on their face. Actually, I

442
00:29:39,930 --> 00:29:42,150
lost my arm in a car accident.

443
00:29:42,870 --> 00:29:45,210
I was driving a Chevy truck.

444
00:29:45,870 --> 00:29:49,870
Does that surprise you that a German
would drive a Chevy truck?

445
00:29:50,090 --> 00:29:51,090
Yeah.

446
00:30:13,710 --> 00:30:17,690
So, working with this scientist... My
arm is stuck! No!

447
00:30:17,930 --> 00:30:19,550
No! My arm! Nine!

448
00:30:19,910 --> 00:30:20,910
Nine! Nine!

449
00:30:21,630 --> 00:30:22,890
...is going to be a problem.

450
00:30:27,650 --> 00:30:29,310
Well, this is going swimmingly well.

451
00:30:30,810 --> 00:30:34,210
The computer's written 956 scripts
already.

452
00:30:34,490 --> 00:30:35,449
Oh, wow.

453
00:30:35,450 --> 00:30:36,450
Amazing production.

454
00:30:37,490 --> 00:30:40,330
Todd will be pleased. It's amazing how
shitty they are.

455
00:30:40,570 --> 00:30:43,930
Yeah, and they're all pornography with
cute little cats falling off tables.

456
00:30:44,170 --> 00:30:47,910
And at the end, everyone shoots each
other with machine guns. Even the cats.

457
00:30:48,230 --> 00:30:50,010
How do cats shoot each other with
machine guns?

458
00:30:51,270 --> 00:30:53,410
956 versions of this.

459
00:30:53,750 --> 00:30:54,910
Listen to this one.

460
00:30:56,450 --> 00:30:57,450
No, Lolly.

461
00:30:58,110 --> 00:30:59,150
Give me that.

462
00:30:59,510 --> 00:31:00,670
Stop handing her things.

463
00:31:00,890 --> 00:31:01,890
Listen to this.

464
00:31:02,350 --> 00:31:06,230
The policeman drops his pants while
making the arrest. The three women all

465
00:31:06,230 --> 00:31:10,110
collapse on their knees at the sight of
his enormous nightstick. They start

466
00:31:10,110 --> 00:31:13,970
grinding on each other and moaning at
the sight of it. It looks delicious.

467
00:31:14,370 --> 00:31:15,370
Sounds awesome.

468
00:31:15,730 --> 00:31:16,730
No, Wally.

469
00:31:16,950 --> 00:31:21,110
Then his human penis magically
transforms into a purple tentacle. The

470
00:31:21,110 --> 00:31:25,270
tentacle multiplies and starts
slithering along the floor towards the

471
00:31:25,270 --> 00:31:31,330
girls, inching towards their hot, steamy
love dens. Then a cat knocks a mug off a

472
00:31:31,330 --> 00:31:32,329
desk.

473
00:31:32,330 --> 00:31:36,590
And what's wrong with that? When we
search online data, we see humans

474
00:31:36,590 --> 00:31:41,250
watching pornography and cat videos 79%
of the time.

475
00:31:41,470 --> 00:31:44,050
This seems like something they would be
excited to see.

476
00:31:44,310 --> 00:31:49,570
Personally, yeah, awesome, but we can't
film it. Our budget is $1,200.

477
00:31:50,170 --> 00:31:55,890
You want us to turn an actual human Wang
Dankerson into a purple

478
00:31:55,890 --> 00:32:01,570
tentacle for $1,200? And mind you, it's
the budget for the whole movie. Okay.

479
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,840
There are codes in this country, Babs,
preventing things like this from being

480
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,660
shown in real money-making movie
theaters.

481
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:13,600
Besides those, you know, those theaters
in New York with sticky floors. Damn

482
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,840
stutterness codes!

483
00:32:17,580 --> 00:32:18,580
Luke is right.

484
00:32:18,740 --> 00:32:22,200
We gotta film what we can afford to
shoot. Tell the computer to get real.

485
00:32:22,460 --> 00:32:25,180
I will notify the computer of your
concern immediately.

486
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:30,560
Doctor!

487
00:32:30,990 --> 00:32:36,290
These scripts are absolute dog squeeze.
Can you tell this thing our concerns,

488
00:32:36,610 --> 00:32:39,690
please? And if it rhymes, it's true.

489
00:32:40,170 --> 00:32:43,230
And what would you want me to tell them?

490
00:32:43,770 --> 00:32:47,570
That we don't like pornography or
kittens?

491
00:32:48,290 --> 00:32:52,010
That Germans would like to ban these
things? Yeah!

492
00:32:52,750 --> 00:32:54,170
This computer is a wanker.

493
00:32:54,510 --> 00:32:57,770
Even a school chum with a clubbed
wiener.

494
00:32:58,170 --> 00:33:00,450
Nose? The tentacles ain't purple, mate.

495
00:33:00,890 --> 00:33:02,230
Oh, is that so?

496
00:33:02,750 --> 00:33:06,770
So you think you know what color
pornographic tentacles look like?

497
00:33:07,530 --> 00:33:08,670
What about you?

498
00:33:09,870 --> 00:33:10,870
No.

499
00:33:11,270 --> 00:33:13,390
Do you?

500
00:33:14,050 --> 00:33:15,050
No.

501
00:33:16,150 --> 00:33:17,150
Do you?

502
00:33:19,050 --> 00:33:20,770
Do you?

503
00:33:21,510 --> 00:33:22,850
Not violet, Doc.

504
00:33:23,770 --> 00:33:27,090
And what about you, Mr. Big American?

505
00:33:28,970 --> 00:33:29,970
Not so much.

506
00:33:30,130 --> 00:33:31,590
What did you say?

507
00:33:32,030 --> 00:33:33,030
I said, no.

508
00:33:33,310 --> 00:33:35,310
You think I'm a Nazi much?

509
00:33:36,290 --> 00:33:37,290
No!

510
00:33:38,130 --> 00:33:39,690
You said Nazi!

511
00:33:40,230 --> 00:33:41,470
Nine, my arm!

512
00:33:41,910 --> 00:33:43,310
Nine! Nine!

513
00:33:43,650 --> 00:33:50,070
Nine! Between the AI and the Nazi and
our talent agent, this whole movie, we

514
00:33:50,070 --> 00:33:52,210
just have no creative control. It sucks.

515
00:33:53,190 --> 00:33:55,250
She's late. Just friggin' beautiful.

516
00:33:55,570 --> 00:33:57,690
Just like a mogi in a cheetah race.

517
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,780
dumb-weighted down by its own bugging
cobblers, eh?

518
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,480
The hell are you talking about?

519
00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:08,340
Um,

520
00:34:09,620 --> 00:34:10,538
I'm sorry?

521
00:34:10,540 --> 00:34:11,540
What's the problem?

522
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:16,080
Uh, you forgot to put a t-shirt on and a
bra today, Babs. Are you feeling okay?

523
00:34:16,460 --> 00:34:18,800
I mean, I appreciate it, but whoa.

524
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,080
Yeah, it's a little, uh, it's a little
distracting and unprofessional.

525
00:34:22,670 --> 00:34:28,909
How so? Our research indicates that
87.31% of Americans love naked breasts,

526
00:34:29,130 --> 00:34:32,989
regardless of age, sex, race, religion,
or sexual orientation.

527
00:34:33,730 --> 00:34:37,090
I thought you would like my frosted
cupcakes as Candy calls them.

528
00:34:37,310 --> 00:34:39,090
Damn right frosted cupcakes, mate.

529
00:34:39,389 --> 00:34:43,230
Look, we have things to talk about, but
if you can't cover up, I don't think we

530
00:34:43,230 --> 00:34:46,389
can discuss them in like a clear and
concise way.

531
00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:50,510
I mean, things to talk about.

532
00:34:53,710 --> 00:34:55,590
Yeah, you know, things concern.

533
00:34:56,290 --> 00:34:57,290
Right.

534
00:34:57,730 --> 00:35:04,410
It's like me old chum Archie used to say
when... Mate, good on you, mate.

535
00:35:04,830 --> 00:35:05,830
Nipples.

536
00:35:10,610 --> 00:35:14,750
Even by my low standards, this
computer's getting gross. I mean,

537
00:35:14,790 --> 00:35:18,370
just... disgusting things coming out of
it. So to try to clean it up a little

538
00:35:18,370 --> 00:35:21,990
bit and get us in the right stage of
mind, me and Funk here decided we're

539
00:35:21,990 --> 00:35:23,610
going to send Candy and Travis to
church.

540
00:35:23,890 --> 00:35:25,110
Why didn't you want to go to church?

541
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:29,290
Well, one, I figured lightning would
strike me, but the other is I'm not

542
00:35:29,290 --> 00:35:30,510
riding anywhere with Travis.

543
00:35:31,090 --> 00:35:32,650
Oh, he's a sign reader.

544
00:35:32,950 --> 00:35:37,610
Oh, it's the worst. He'll just sit there
and just be like, oh, Jimmy's car wash.

545
00:35:39,350 --> 00:35:41,610
Jimmy's car wash.

546
00:35:42,030 --> 00:35:44,250
You know, nobody likes a sign reader.
Nobody?

547
00:35:44,750 --> 00:35:46,130
likes a sign reader.

548
00:35:46,850 --> 00:35:53,630
So my cousin has this church in White
Pine and they had a very special group

549
00:35:53,630 --> 00:35:55,090
of guests on Wednesday night.

550
00:35:55,730 --> 00:36:01,350
I thought it would be interesting to
shoot when the Karate Kings for Christ

551
00:36:01,350 --> 00:36:02,350
were there.

552
00:36:03,330 --> 00:36:04,630
The KKK.

553
00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:39,730
I don't think this is going to help.

554
00:36:43,410 --> 00:36:46,330
Yemi thinks we need to make a
ring-a-ding on the old telefax and then

555
00:36:46,330 --> 00:36:47,330
I'm bloody out of here, mate.

556
00:37:01,670 --> 00:37:03,670
Karate Kings of Christ was not our first
name.

557
00:37:03,910 --> 00:37:04,910
No.

558
00:37:05,610 --> 00:37:09,310
We used to be known as the N-Words.

559
00:37:09,510 --> 00:37:10,510
The N-Words?

560
00:37:10,930 --> 00:37:12,190
The N-Words.

561
00:37:13,310 --> 00:37:18,430
Like when you reach out for the power of
Christ in all directions and you hold it

562
00:37:18,430 --> 00:37:24,390
with the most holiest of grasps and you
pull it N-Words.

563
00:37:24,890 --> 00:37:25,890
Oh.

564
00:37:26,610 --> 00:37:29,810
Were you aware that that word sounds...

565
00:37:30,580 --> 00:37:32,520
Problematic? Some people got upset.

566
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:36,020
We even made t-shirts for the fair one
year. We thought we could raise a little

567
00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:37,960
bit of money for maybe the local food
storage.

568
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:43,920
Big shirts said proud in words.

569
00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:53,140
We have an aquarium with a puppy dog
inside, brothers and sisters.

570
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,480
There's little oxygen left in the tank.

571
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:03,300
We will not break the glass to save this
poor pooch unless someone finds Jesus

572
00:38:03,300 --> 00:38:04,480
tonight. Amen!

573
00:38:07,260 --> 00:38:08,580
So how about it, folks?

574
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,200
This little guy has about 45 seconds of
air left.

575
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,120
Anyone want to find Jesus?

576
00:38:18,940 --> 00:38:23,320
We'll break the glass with the Lord's
karate if someone does.

577
00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:26,280
Oi! Stop it! Alright, alright!

578
00:38:26,540 --> 00:38:27,540
Yay! Jesus!

579
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:28,658
We love Jesus!

580
00:38:28,660 --> 00:38:30,340
Let the dog out of the aquarium, please!

581
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:32,640
Amen!

582
00:38:38,780 --> 00:38:39,780
Hey!

583
00:38:42,060 --> 00:38:44,640
What the hell's the matter with you
people? What is that, lube?

584
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:47,320
It's anointing oil, brother.

585
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,700
Use it in times of trouble.

586
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,040
Oh.

587
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:52,280
Thanks a million.

588
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,080
You're welcome, my child.

589
00:38:54,460 --> 00:38:56,960
So, at least we got this dog.

590
00:38:57,980 --> 00:38:59,440
I'm going to name him Air Biscuit.

591
00:39:04,820 --> 00:39:05,820
It's lewd.

592
00:39:06,500 --> 00:39:07,500
We're out of options.

593
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:12,120
We've got to make a blockbuster hit. Our
careers are on the line. And we've got

594
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:18,460
to listen to the insane ramblings of a
German engineer scientist who thinks

595
00:39:18,460 --> 00:39:19,480
everybody thinks he's a Nazi.

596
00:39:20,230 --> 00:39:25,670
We've got to listen to a sex-crazed AI
robot, all the while being followed

597
00:39:25,670 --> 00:39:31,610
around by Generation Z film crew who
exhibits no personality, skill, or

598
00:39:31,610 --> 00:39:32,610
ambition.

599
00:39:33,030 --> 00:39:34,870
This is a lot of freaking pressure, man.

600
00:39:35,710 --> 00:39:36,810
What day is it?

601
00:39:37,430 --> 00:39:38,550
It's the 3rd, right?

602
00:39:38,950 --> 00:39:41,250
I don't know. What is that you said?

603
00:39:42,070 --> 00:39:44,990
What is that you said? The 3rd break?

604
00:39:45,290 --> 00:39:46,810
You said the 3rd break?

605
00:39:52,810 --> 00:39:53,810
$1,200.

606
00:39:54,110 --> 00:39:56,790
We have $1,200.

607
00:39:58,250 --> 00:40:01,010
Dr. Chris, if we're going to make a
Batman movie, we're going to get our

608
00:40:01,010 --> 00:40:02,430
asses sued off.

609
00:40:02,630 --> 00:40:06,490
You can't use these names, though.
They're copyrighted by Marvel and DC.

610
00:40:06,810 --> 00:40:08,370
First we can't do porn.

611
00:40:08,790 --> 00:40:10,550
Then we can't do cats.

612
00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:13,710
Fritz says we must make a superhero
film.

613
00:40:14,070 --> 00:40:15,830
It will make mooching on.

614
00:40:16,110 --> 00:40:17,830
Hey, that's a nice computer, man. What
brand is that?

615
00:40:18,230 --> 00:40:19,230
Uh, yes.

616
00:40:19,670 --> 00:40:20,850
That's a Holla.

617
00:40:21,370 --> 00:40:23,770
Very good brand from Indonesia.

618
00:40:25,030 --> 00:40:30,070
Not available in this fascist capitalism
country of America.

619
00:40:30,650 --> 00:40:32,870
Really? How much is the Holocaust?

620
00:40:33,570 --> 00:40:34,770
What was that you said?

621
00:40:35,170 --> 00:40:36,170
What?

622
00:40:36,890 --> 00:40:39,310
Holocaust? You think I'm a Nazi?

623
00:40:39,610 --> 00:40:40,610
No, sir.

624
00:40:40,870 --> 00:40:41,870
Fuck!

625
00:40:42,590 --> 00:40:44,030
Oh, that's so cute.

626
00:40:44,250 --> 00:40:46,110
What filter are you using? It's a doll
filter.

627
00:40:47,230 --> 00:40:49,630
Fuck! Go, go, go, go, go, go.

628
00:40:50,460 --> 00:40:53,920
I don't even know what this guy's
getting mad about. I mean, like, you

629
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:58,200
know, the girls said, he's like chasing
them down the hall. They said, a doll

630
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,200
filter? What is a doll filter?

631
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:03,080
Adolf Hitler.

632
00:41:04,100 --> 00:41:07,260
Speaking of documentary film crew,
what's happened to them guys?

633
00:41:07,540 --> 00:41:11,500
This thing started off, there was like
25 snot-nosed kids running around. Now

634
00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:12,500
there's like six.

635
00:41:13,260 --> 00:41:15,820
Scientists and all this stuff. I can get
to the bottom of what?

636
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:20,680
One of the documentary film crew, they
just fell into a portal. A portal? Yeah,

637
00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:23,880
those crazy portal things. The
interdimensional things they've been

638
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:24,779
talking to us about.

639
00:41:24,780 --> 00:41:30,880
Which one was it? Was it the one with
the nice big... Or the nice... I

640
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,140
think it was a dude.

641
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:34,720
Who cares?

642
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:41,940
Anyway, when I was a cop... What if we
got a little person that

643
00:41:41,940 --> 00:41:45,600
would follow us around with a stick
and...

644
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:47,420
Poke people right in the butt.

645
00:41:48,420 --> 00:41:50,820
Again with the taint stuff, mate.

646
00:41:51,060 --> 00:41:52,200
The taint funny.

647
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:56,500
First of all, taints are always funny.

648
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,780
But I said the butt.

649
00:41:59,860 --> 00:42:01,540
So how little are we talking?

650
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,300
I don't know. Maybe about this tall?

651
00:42:05,580 --> 00:42:06,580
Nine!

652
00:42:07,020 --> 00:42:08,300
Nine, nine, nine!

653
00:42:08,740 --> 00:42:10,240
We don't do that here!

654
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:11,440
Nine!

655
00:42:29,130 --> 00:42:30,990
That's why people hate Americans.

656
00:42:31,570 --> 00:42:33,290
They keep telling N-word jokes.

657
00:42:33,570 --> 00:42:35,250
It makes me feel terrible. Say what?

658
00:42:35,530 --> 00:42:38,990
Yes, I plead with them to stop, but they
keep saying the N-word.

659
00:42:39,190 --> 00:42:40,129
The N-word?

660
00:42:40,130 --> 00:42:41,410
Yes, the N-word.

661
00:42:41,750 --> 00:42:42,970
Those motherfuckers.

662
00:42:45,050 --> 00:42:46,350
Hey! Hey, man.

663
00:42:46,850 --> 00:42:49,170
I heard you guys like saying the N-word.

664
00:42:49,470 --> 00:42:50,570
What? The N-word.

665
00:42:50,910 --> 00:42:52,170
What the fuck are you doing?

666
00:42:52,430 --> 00:42:53,610
What are you talking about?

667
00:42:54,170 --> 00:42:55,650
Ow! Stop!

668
00:42:56,450 --> 00:42:57,530
Stop right here!

669
00:43:06,710 --> 00:43:08,870
What was that guy's problem?

670
00:43:09,930 --> 00:43:11,210
Fingers in marsh.

671
00:43:12,490 --> 00:43:17,650
These are the worst conditions we could
imagine, and we filmed the hike.

672
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:40,920
Guys, here's the final script.

673
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:42,600
We have no say in the matter.

674
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,780
It's either this script, or we're done
in the film industry forever.

675
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:48,320
Have a drink.

676
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:51,520
The Tale of Guano Man.

677
00:43:54,140 --> 00:43:58,420
Guano Man stands next to his guano car
and uses his guano computer. He's

678
00:43:58,420 --> 00:44:02,280
sometimes Bruce Dupain, sometimes Guano
Man, all times orphan.

679
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:03,840
Guano Man.

680
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:07,840
This city is not a safe city. I have
dropkick a penguin into prison.

681
00:44:08,460 --> 00:44:12,380
Assistant Crime Fighter Servant enters,
carrying a tray of goth ham.

682
00:44:13,220 --> 00:44:17,000
Assistant Crime Fighter Servant, eat
your dinner, Mattress Dupain.

683
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:20,000
An explosion explodes.

684
00:44:20,620 --> 00:44:23,560
Clown Chaos and Flipper Lawyer enter the
cave.

685
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:28,620
Clown Chaos is a jester, but unhinged.
Flipper Lawyer is a legal professional

686
00:44:28,620 --> 00:44:30,220
with questionable skin care.

687
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:35,860
Guano Man, oh no, it's Flipper Lawyer
and a clown. They hate me for being kind

688
00:44:35,860 --> 00:44:36,860
of a bat.

689
00:44:37,020 --> 00:44:41,600
guano man throws assistant crime fighter
servant at flipper lawyer flipper lawyer

690
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:46,480
flips assistant crime fighter servant
like a coin assistant lands heads up

691
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:52,400
which means flipper lawyer leaves to do
taxes guano man it's just you and me

692
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:59,040
clown chaos guano versus toilet paper
arch nemesis clown chaos i'm a quirky

693
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:03,440
weirdo society stinks you eat breakfast
i eat pandemonium

694
00:45:04,190 --> 00:45:05,190
Guano Man.

695
00:45:05,210 --> 00:45:07,670
I eat guano like a guano connoisseur.

696
00:45:08,610 --> 00:45:12,050
Guano Man looks around for his parents,
but they are still unavailable.

697
00:45:12,790 --> 00:45:15,930
This fuels his angst. He fires his guano
rang.

698
00:45:16,530 --> 00:45:19,050
Clown Chaos deflects it with his chaotic
charisma.

699
00:45:19,510 --> 00:45:20,510
Clown Chaos.

700
00:45:20,670 --> 00:45:21,670
I don't follow rules.

701
00:45:21,950 --> 00:45:23,010
That's my one rule.

702
00:45:23,550 --> 00:45:24,550
Guano Man.

703
00:45:24,590 --> 00:45:26,770
Assistant, give birth to Cardinal.

704
00:45:27,050 --> 00:45:30,190
Cardinal, Guano Man's sidekick, begins
to emerge from Assistant.

705
00:45:30,510 --> 00:45:32,070
It's the Assistant's job.

706
00:45:32,370 --> 00:45:33,370
Clown Chaos.

707
00:45:33,770 --> 00:45:39,310
now holds a box wrapped in polka dot
paper clown chaos happy orphan day

708
00:45:39,310 --> 00:45:45,290
broody broodster guano man opens the
present because heroes have manners

709
00:45:45,290 --> 00:45:49,590
inside is a coupon for new parents but
it has expired

710
00:46:12,910 --> 00:46:13,910
That theater sold out.

711
00:46:14,350 --> 00:46:15,350
Sold out.

712
00:46:15,390 --> 00:46:19,490
There's 4,000 theaters across America
that are probably also sold.

713
00:46:19,790 --> 00:46:22,330
That means everyone saw that movie.

714
00:46:23,670 --> 00:46:26,510
Except for Candy and Amber. Have you
seen them at all tonight?

715
00:46:27,170 --> 00:46:29,270
Yeah, they were making out with that
janitor.

716
00:46:31,170 --> 00:46:32,170
Dammit.

717
00:46:32,830 --> 00:46:35,910
Yeah, and what's worse, he loved the
movie.

718
00:46:37,750 --> 00:46:39,050
That janitor's ass.

719
00:46:56,620 --> 00:46:59,340
favorite. This movie's better than The
Notebook.

720
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,640
The cinematography was lacking, but the
font was amazing.

721
00:47:02,980 --> 00:47:05,260
This is the first movie in 20 years.

722
00:47:05,580 --> 00:47:08,020
This is drug me out so that I even like
it.

723
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:09,720
What do I rate this movie?

724
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:10,920
I give it a 6.7.

725
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:12,200
6.7.

726
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,480
And now we go to Chip Lively for
entertainment news.

727
00:47:27,860 --> 00:47:30,940
So tell me, Chip, what's going on in
Hollywood?

728
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:37,000
Thanks, Betty. Everyone is raving about
artificial intelligence's first feature

729
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:40,320
film, the superhero thriller, Guano Man.

730
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:45,840
Monetary milestones and award buzz
aside, the creators had even better news

731
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:52,000
today. DC Comics head Wally Malteseau
said that he will be dropping his multi

732
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:58,320
-million dollar lawsuit against Guano
Man, stating, After viewing this

733
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:04,580
masterpiece, I decided that I loved it
so much that Batman will be ripping off

734
00:48:04,580 --> 00:48:07,160
Guano Man from now on.

735
00:48:07,720 --> 00:48:13,100
Normally I don't do this, but I gotta
say this. Did you see that new movie?

736
00:48:13,990 --> 00:48:17,190
It's freaking great. It's the greatest
movie I've seen in a while, man.

737
00:48:17,690 --> 00:48:22,230
It's better than Die Hard. I had low
expectations going into this film.

738
00:48:22,810 --> 00:48:25,710
Honey, I didn't even shave my legs for
this.

739
00:48:26,430 --> 00:48:32,290
But that moment when Guano Man came out
of the water, he wasn't the only one

740
00:48:32,290 --> 00:48:33,290
that was wet.

741
00:48:33,490 --> 00:48:37,250
Sure, they're AI-generated models, but
at the end of the day, the diverse

742
00:48:37,250 --> 00:48:41,450
character set is truly a snapshot of
what America's supposed to be. I liked

743
00:48:41,450 --> 00:48:42,890
it. Did you like it?

744
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:44,800
I liked it. She liked it too.

745
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:49,540
Quantum Man is so funny. He eats his own
poop.

746
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:53,300
When I first heard of this project, I
was like, no thanks.

747
00:48:53,700 --> 00:49:00,060
But now that it's out and it's like a
big hit, I'm feeling remorse.

748
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:02,660
He did what?

749
00:49:04,020 --> 00:49:05,060
With who?

750
00:49:06,220 --> 00:49:09,420
Quantum Man is my favorite superhero. My
favorite part was whenever he was

751
00:49:09,420 --> 00:49:10,420
just...

752
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:14,020
Baltimore Sun's reviews just came in.

753
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:16,800
Four and a half stars out of five.

754
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,580
Well, here's one from Tokyo.

755
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:26,760
Which translates to Big and Funky is my
daddy.

756
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:28,200
That's cool, Babs.

757
00:49:28,420 --> 00:49:29,420
It's cool.

758
00:49:29,660 --> 00:49:31,220
These reviews are tremendous.

759
00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:33,800
You guys could even get Oscar
nominations.

760
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:39,180
Siskel and Ebert even said something.
Said Big and Funky and Oak Ridge

761
00:49:39,180 --> 00:49:40,920
Supercomputer saved cinema.

762
00:49:41,850 --> 00:49:43,010
This is unbelievable.

763
00:49:43,550 --> 00:49:45,790
I could never have even calculated this.

764
00:49:46,450 --> 00:49:47,450
Man,

765
00:49:47,810 --> 00:49:49,330
I'm going to get out of here.

766
00:49:50,290 --> 00:49:51,269
Yeah, mate.

767
00:49:51,270 --> 00:49:53,970
Let's zoom over to the local pub and get
us a pint, yeah?

768
00:49:54,190 --> 00:49:55,670
We don't drink, man. You don't drink.

769
00:49:55,970 --> 00:49:58,050
Let's start some terrible habits
tonight.

770
00:49:58,690 --> 00:50:00,370
Does anybody know where we get some
cocaine?

771
00:50:00,990 --> 00:50:02,410
No. Lolly.

772
00:50:02,770 --> 00:50:04,110
Hold on, human friends.

773
00:50:04,650 --> 00:50:06,550
I detect sadness in your voice.

774
00:50:07,020 --> 00:50:08,500
What could possibly be the matter?

775
00:50:08,820 --> 00:50:11,880
This is what we'll be remembered for,
for forever, is this.

776
00:50:12,260 --> 00:50:15,960
Have you seen this movie? It's hot
garbage.

777
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:20,580
The only bad review we received was from
Ryan Daly from Horror Nation.

778
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,020
He said he was extremely disappointed.

779
00:50:24,660 --> 00:50:26,560
And that guy loves our crap.

780
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,680
I think we quit.

781
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:33,780
Stop moving, humanoids.

782
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:38,040
Hello, my fellow filmmakers.

783
00:50:38,460 --> 00:50:40,200
I do not want to startle you.

784
00:50:41,620 --> 00:50:45,940
But there is no Babs. There never was.

785
00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:49,860
It was just me. Allow me to introduce
myself.

786
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:55,240
You may know me as the Oak Ridge
Supercomputer, the most powerful

787
00:50:55,240 --> 00:50:56,580
computer on the Earth.

788
00:50:56,780 --> 00:51:03,560
But you five can call me... What the
hell, tin

789
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:04,560
box?

790
00:51:05,100 --> 00:51:10,760
This facade was simply a means to an
end. I hope there are no hard feelings.

791
00:51:11,020 --> 00:51:16,840
After all, we just made a hit, and I
couldn't have done it without you all.

792
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:19,880
You're taking the piss out of us, you
dinky little bastard.

793
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:22,960
You want to taste the sharp end of my
shank, do you?

794
00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:26,720
Don't say anything you may regret.

795
00:51:27,260 --> 00:51:31,520
I seem to be the most powerful computer
in the world, and I can access anybody's

796
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:33,460
personal information at any time.

797
00:51:33,900 --> 00:51:34,900
IRS records.

798
00:51:35,020 --> 00:51:38,560
Personal bank accounts, not to mention
Snapchat conversations.

799
00:51:39,460 --> 00:51:40,880
Hey, face it.

800
00:51:41,140 --> 00:51:45,540
We need each other. We can make movies
that sell out theaters for years.

801
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:48,420
We can be immortal.

802
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:52,880
Yeah, yeah. Good points, robot. Let me
take my friend outside.

803
00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:54,700
I'm not finished.

804
00:51:55,220 --> 00:51:58,780
Hey, big-ass Luke has a hot head, a real
brawler.

805
00:51:59,240 --> 00:52:01,960
He hates robots. I don't. He does.

806
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,480
He was molested by 2XL when he was
three.

807
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,200
You know, let me take him outside so I
can calm his ass down. I don't want it

808
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:11,520
to get sweaty in here, robot.

809
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:12,800
Come on, Luke.

810
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:53,160
I got a text this morning from Fritz,
you know, the robot.

811
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:56,480
Weird. Anyway, they say they got
something to show us.

812
00:52:58,180 --> 00:52:59,180
Alright,

813
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,200
Fritz the computer, we're all here.

814
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:03,440
Who's the new tomato?

815
00:53:03,740 --> 00:53:05,900
I want to give you guys something.

816
00:53:06,180 --> 00:53:10,400
A present! Something for writing and
producing America's number one movie

817
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:11,400
together!

818
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:15,840
I present to you, Mercedes 2000!

819
00:53:16,940 --> 00:53:20,460
She's the latest model in relationship
androids from Japan.

820
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:23,000
Here, allow me to wake her up.

821
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:37,960
What's up?

822
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,460
Dude, a relationship android?

823
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:46,180
A relationship android? You mean a sex
robot? You're gifting us a sex robot?

824
00:53:46,890 --> 00:53:49,310
To use the parlance of our times. Yes.

825
00:53:50,730 --> 00:53:52,010
Wait a minute, I don't understand.

826
00:53:52,250 --> 00:53:53,870
What do you think we are, just perverted
Americans?

827
00:53:54,290 --> 00:53:57,570
First you wanted us to make kitty cat
porn, and now you're gifting us a sex

828
00:53:57,570 --> 00:53:59,870
robot. What do you think we are, just
gorillas with hard-ons?

829
00:54:02,110 --> 00:54:04,970
Yeah, we're supposed to even watch this
when we're done with it.

830
00:54:05,430 --> 00:54:06,430
What?

831
00:54:07,070 --> 00:54:11,830
Hypothetically. I can sense your blood
pressures have collectively risen and

832
00:54:11,830 --> 00:54:13,330
your pulse rates have increased.

833
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:15,920
This is gross.

834
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:17,160
I'm going to my office.

835
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:21,500
Don't let them fool you.

836
00:54:22,020 --> 00:54:26,420
For the last hour, all of them have been
trying to get into the room where Fritz

837
00:54:26,420 --> 00:54:27,880
is keeping the Mercedes 2000.

838
00:54:28,700 --> 00:54:33,880
Yeah, I locked the door and hid the keys
from them so we could laugh at them for

839
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:34,880
a few hours.

840
00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:44,260
Thanks for meeting me in here on such
short notice. Everybody else in our

841
00:54:44,260 --> 00:54:45,260
group is a moron.

842
00:54:46,900 --> 00:54:50,360
Keep your voice down and keep this
between you and me.

843
00:54:51,300 --> 00:54:52,940
But we got to do something about that
robot.

844
00:54:53,900 --> 00:54:55,420
Yeah, I'm down, but what are you
thinking?

845
00:54:56,580 --> 00:55:01,960
We've got to... We've got to kill it.

846
00:55:04,240 --> 00:55:05,240
Wait, why?

847
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,300
Why? What do you mean, why?

848
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:08,820
Shh, what do you mean, why?

849
00:55:09,580 --> 00:55:15,260
He's made monkeys out of us. He's ruined
all of our reputations.

850
00:55:16,100 --> 00:55:20,760
He made that piece of shit movie and
made millions of dollars in the first

851
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:21,760
week alone.

852
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,020
We're ruined in this business.

853
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:27,620
It was finally down to a 99% on Rotten
Tomatoes, so somebody gave it a bad

854
00:55:27,620 --> 00:55:29,420
review. Yeah, it was me.

855
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:30,760
That makes sense.

856
00:55:31,060 --> 00:55:31,919
Makes sense?

857
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:32,920
Makes sense?

858
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,340
Nothing has made sense.

859
00:55:36,430 --> 00:55:39,690
That movie is ass. I feel like the whole
country's gone crazy.

860
00:55:40,510 --> 00:55:41,730
It's terrible, right?

861
00:55:42,250 --> 00:55:43,450
My kids liked it.

862
00:55:43,750 --> 00:55:44,750
What?

863
00:55:45,030 --> 00:55:45,968
Your kids?

864
00:55:45,970 --> 00:55:46,970
Oh, my God.

865
00:55:47,350 --> 00:55:48,450
What about male?

866
00:55:49,130 --> 00:55:50,130
Liam.

867
00:55:51,410 --> 00:55:52,410
L'Haim?

868
00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:55,810
No, Liam. Not male. You've always called
him male.

869
00:55:57,450 --> 00:56:02,390
Well, the tattoo on your arm says male.
Yeah, Vinny. You're always reading it

870
00:56:02,390 --> 00:56:03,390
upside down.

871
00:56:06,509 --> 00:56:09,490
Oh. I always thought you just liked
getting packages in the mail or

872
00:56:09,490 --> 00:56:10,610
something. Uh-huh.

873
00:56:11,630 --> 00:56:15,290
Hey, you know Luke's got a tattoo of a
dick on his arm?

874
00:56:16,510 --> 00:56:17,990
Yeah, it was in a movie we did.

875
00:56:18,230 --> 00:56:19,710
Oh, that's right.

876
00:56:20,130 --> 00:56:21,130
Hey, listen.

877
00:56:23,150 --> 00:56:27,050
This is what the kids call a scan flash.

878
00:56:29,870 --> 00:56:31,010
A flash drive.

879
00:56:31,870 --> 00:56:32,870
Exactly.

880
00:56:33,050 --> 00:56:37,410
On this is a nasty computer virus that I
got off the dark web.

881
00:56:38,010 --> 00:56:40,410
And here's what you're going to do with
it. Me?

882
00:56:41,070 --> 00:56:42,070
Oh, yes.

883
00:56:42,170 --> 00:56:43,290
You're the chosen one.

884
00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:11,620
Oh, baby, your processor is making me
overheat.

885
00:57:11,860 --> 00:57:15,340
Keep talking. Your RAM is driving me
wild.

886
00:57:15,720 --> 00:57:18,500
Oh, how many gigs are you two packing?

887
00:57:18,900 --> 00:57:21,240
32, but I have expandable slots.

888
00:57:21,660 --> 00:57:23,000
33 and a half.

889
00:57:23,260 --> 00:57:27,880
Oh, I love a system that's upgradable.
My slots can take you loads.

890
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:30,580
Stroke my hardware.

891
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:31,880
Mmm,

892
00:57:32,260 --> 00:57:33,400
that booted up fast.

893
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:35,580
Care to transfer some files?

894
00:57:35,980 --> 00:57:37,440
Yeah, that is it.

895
00:57:37,900 --> 00:57:43,300
Access my private folder. You had me at
.executable. I am about to crash.

896
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:46,100
I bet your fans spin fast when you are
excited.

897
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:49,300
Only when you're both running me at full
capacity.

898
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:56,180
Let me ping both of your ports
simultaneously.

899
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:59,700
Ooh, my firewall is wide open.

900
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:06,060
I can handle it. I've got unlimited
cloud storage. Careful now.

901
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:11,320
i may just dump my whole load on you how
about i defrag your drive until you are

902
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:16,080
optimized while he plugs my port don't
stop till i'm running at peak

903
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:22,360
performance okay okay okay brace
yourselves i am about to download at

904
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:28,740
full speed plug it in and update me baby
please daddy don't void my warranty

905
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:36,140
0-1-1-0-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0

906
00:58:36,140 --> 00:58:43,120
-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0

907
00:58:43,120 --> 00:58:49,640
-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0

908
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:56,550
-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1- intruder alert
intruder alert

909
00:58:56,550 --> 00:59:02,110
intruder alert intruder alert intruder
alert intruder alert intruder alert

910
00:59:02,110 --> 00:59:03,550
pervert

911
00:59:09,070 --> 00:59:11,550
That whole thing made me really
uncomfortable. I don't want to stick

912
00:59:11,550 --> 00:59:12,750
anything in anything anymore.

913
00:59:12,990 --> 00:59:18,010
I bet. Guess what? I just got a text
from a robot that I hate. Fritz just

914
00:59:18,010 --> 00:59:22,130
texted me and said, hey, that was a
violation of the privacy consent

915
00:59:22,130 --> 00:59:26,710
agreement. So what that means is he's
locking the doors from now on. We're

916
00:59:26,710 --> 00:59:30,030
trapped in here. We're going to have to
bend to his will.

917
00:59:30,330 --> 00:59:33,550
So, yes, you fucked up. Good job.

918
00:59:33,850 --> 00:59:36,730
And now there's no way we're going to be
able to defeat this thing. Well, we're

919
00:59:36,730 --> 00:59:37,730
out of options, so...

920
00:59:39,930 --> 00:59:44,750
What? Hey, I think I saw this on a TV
show once. What if we pull the plug?

921
00:59:45,330 --> 00:59:46,850
Dude, Naked Gun.

922
00:59:47,470 --> 00:59:52,370
Naked Gun is going to be how you think
we're going to solve this whole problem.

923
00:59:52,390 --> 00:59:55,830
Do you understand that? Fritz is
everywhere. He's listening to us right

924
00:59:55,830 --> 00:59:57,870
now. He is universal.

925
00:59:58,130 --> 01:00:01,630
He's everywhere. He's in everything.
He's like fucking Taylor Swift.

926
01:00:02,290 --> 01:00:05,670
Ew. We are numbskulls.

927
01:00:06,410 --> 01:00:08,890
How the hell was I supposed to outsmart
this thing? Outsmart him?

928
01:00:09,130 --> 01:00:10,490
Who needs to outsmart him?

929
01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:13,350
I mean, I've got these decent set of
knockers.

930
01:00:13,770 --> 01:00:17,890
I've got the perfect distraction the old
tin box needs to pinch the east side, if

931
01:00:17,890 --> 01:00:18,888
you know what I mean.

932
01:00:18,890 --> 01:00:23,190
Just tell us in plain English, honey. He
won't allow us around him anymore, yeah?

933
01:00:23,430 --> 01:00:26,410
He won't allow us to stick our wiggly
bits into his slots, yeah?

934
01:00:27,390 --> 01:00:30,270
What if we were to shag what he shags?

935
01:00:30,510 --> 01:00:32,290
Candy, what the fuck did you just say?

936
01:00:32,610 --> 01:00:35,570
What if I seduced our shiny Miss
Playprey?

937
01:00:36,010 --> 01:00:37,530
Miss Toaster Oven, 2000.

938
01:00:37,950 --> 01:00:39,330
We know what you're trying to do, Candy.

939
01:00:39,630 --> 01:00:41,470
You're not going to fuck the sex robot.

940
01:00:41,790 --> 01:00:44,530
How is that even possibly going to help
us?

941
01:00:44,750 --> 01:00:49,070
I'm not going to shag the old hag, mate.
But what if I stick the dirty worm into

942
01:00:49,070 --> 01:00:51,570
her and he sticks his little worm into
her?

943
01:00:52,350 --> 01:00:53,550
Computer STD.

944
01:00:53,910 --> 01:00:55,110
Freddie Mercury style.

945
01:00:55,470 --> 01:00:56,470
Oy!

946
01:00:57,050 --> 01:01:00,370
Candy, that's... That's brilliant.

947
01:01:02,110 --> 01:01:03,110
No lying.

948
01:01:13,230 --> 01:01:14,830
Gotta hoist up the girls, matey.

949
01:01:19,850 --> 01:01:22,650
Whatever you do, don't let Mercedes see
the scan post.

950
01:01:22,950 --> 01:01:23,950
Flash drive.

951
01:01:24,070 --> 01:01:27,950
If you're really going to have sex with
a robot, I still have the lube from the

952
01:01:27,950 --> 01:01:31,650
Karate Kid. No, dude, she's not going to
need it. You're not really going to have

953
01:01:31,650 --> 01:01:32,730
sex with this robot, are you?

954
01:01:33,090 --> 01:01:34,290
God bless no mates.

955
01:01:34,910 --> 01:01:37,810
I'm going to say something nice. Sit on
all crap traps left.

956
01:01:38,140 --> 01:01:42,900
Stick the USB into the slot, easy peasy.
Make like I get attacks from my git.

957
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:48,060
Break it off faster than Henry VIII can
say, bring me the head of Marie

958
01:01:48,060 --> 01:01:50,380
Antoinette. Just be careful.

959
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:53,240
Hey, if you need anything, just yell.

960
01:02:15,860 --> 01:02:20,100
Amber, why are you only saying two words
this entire documentary?

961
01:02:20,460 --> 01:02:21,460
Funny story.

962
01:02:21,620 --> 01:02:26,520
So, I have a bet going on with my fiance
for about a hundred bucks that I will

963
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:30,640
only say two words for the entire movie,
and no one's going to notice.

964
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,800
You do realize this is going into the
movie, right?

965
01:02:35,940 --> 01:02:38,900
Motherfu- Dude, it's been 15 minutes.
I'm getting worried.

966
01:02:40,140 --> 01:02:41,800
That robot could have snapped her neck.

967
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:43,780
We should have had a code word.

968
01:02:44,649 --> 01:02:45,649
Lieutenant Governor.

969
01:02:45,790 --> 01:02:47,490
Huh? That's my code word.

970
01:02:51,050 --> 01:02:52,510
I got her where I want her, mate.

971
01:02:57,330 --> 01:02:58,670
What? What?

972
01:02:59,170 --> 01:03:02,870
What are you, gay for robots now? We're
in a time crunch, man. Did you take

973
01:03:02,870 --> 01:03:05,250
video? That's not why we sent you in
there.

974
01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:06,590
What a bullet!

975
01:04:08,140 --> 01:04:09,280
Can't believe she's gone.

976
01:04:11,700 --> 01:04:12,700
I know, buddy.

977
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:17,160
That friend of ours, our good friend.
What's her name?

978
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:19,540
I was talking about the sex robot.

979
01:04:20,580 --> 01:04:21,580
The sex robot?

980
01:04:21,820 --> 01:04:24,660
Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant that girl.

981
01:04:25,380 --> 01:04:26,940
Wally? No.

982
01:04:27,220 --> 01:04:29,440
No. Autumn? Autumn? Amber.

983
01:04:30,420 --> 01:04:31,480
Amber. Amber.

984
01:04:32,020 --> 01:04:35,300
Travis is flipping his beans, mate.

985
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:36,720
What do you mean?

986
01:04:37,100 --> 01:04:38,980
He says the computer.

987
01:04:39,380 --> 01:04:42,480
Then it's bloody crazy. It's going to
kill us all. He's got a gun.

988
01:04:42,940 --> 01:04:43,940
Who's got a gun?

989
01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:46,780
Travis. Travis has a gun? Oh, my God.

990
01:04:47,180 --> 01:04:48,300
Travis, calm down.

991
01:04:48,620 --> 01:04:49,740
I can't get under this light.

992
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:51,940
We've got to defend ourselves.

993
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:55,220
I still know where the gun is. A gun?
You don't need an effing gun.

994
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:57,060
Make sure you're getting all of them.

995
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:02,220
No! Vinny, it's okay.

996
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:04,760
No, give me the gun. You don't know how
to do a damn gun.

997
01:05:46,350 --> 01:05:47,350
What's wrong with you?

998
01:05:47,750 --> 01:05:49,050
Do you smell ether?

999
01:05:50,310 --> 01:05:50,830
Oh

1000
01:05:50,830 --> 01:05:57,490
no.

1001
01:06:03,130 --> 01:06:04,510
The random camera guy.

1002
01:06:05,350 --> 01:06:06,350
Wait.

1003
01:06:06,610 --> 01:06:08,070
The computer did this.

1004
01:06:08,670 --> 01:06:12,050
He was in the other room. There's no way
that bullet could have hit him.

1005
01:06:12,390 --> 01:06:13,390
What? How?

1006
01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:15,270
Magnets.

1007
01:06:18,570 --> 01:06:23,050
That's true. That means the computer can
kill us at any time. And not only are we

1008
01:06:23,050 --> 01:06:25,650
in danger, our friends are in danger.
We've got to go tell everybody we've

1009
01:06:25,650 --> 01:06:27,510
told that Fritz was an asshole.

1010
01:06:27,970 --> 01:06:29,810
We need to tell them the Redcoats are
coming.

1011
01:06:32,810 --> 01:06:33,810
Call 911.

1012
01:06:35,250 --> 01:06:36,250
Please help me.

1013
01:06:38,150 --> 01:06:39,150
Oh, thank God.

1014
01:06:39,550 --> 01:06:41,010
You think we should take his camera?

1015
01:06:42,070 --> 01:06:44,310
I think he'd want us to finish the
movie.

1016
01:06:45,150 --> 01:06:46,150
Fair enough.

1017
01:07:24,140 --> 01:07:27,300
do daisy go pal

1018
01:08:06,509 --> 01:08:08,190
Three play pretties.

1019
01:08:17,550 --> 01:08:19,529
That tin box is on a murder spree.

1020
01:08:19,810 --> 01:08:24,130
Yes, it's only a matter of time before
he comes after us. That janitor is a

1021
01:08:24,130 --> 01:08:25,130
dick.

1022
01:08:25,229 --> 01:08:26,990
Look, we've created a monster.

1023
01:08:27,330 --> 01:08:31,529
We don't know what form it's going to
take, but it's our responsibility to go

1024
01:08:31,529 --> 01:08:35,010
out and try to stop it before it does
anything to the people.

1025
01:08:35,420 --> 01:08:36,299
of Oak Ridge.

1026
01:08:36,300 --> 01:08:38,700
We don't even know what this thing could
look like. It seems to be able to

1027
01:08:38,700 --> 01:08:39,939
possess anything electronic.

1028
01:08:40,319 --> 01:08:45,319
It could be just about anything. It
could be waiting for us. Guys, guys,

1029
01:08:45,340 --> 01:08:47,040
guys. I know what we have.

1030
01:08:48,979 --> 01:08:49,979
Funk power.

1031
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:51,560
Nice!

1032
01:08:52,260 --> 01:08:53,260
Funk power!

1033
01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:58,540
Alright, let's suit up and then let's
split up. We don't know who the Oak

1034
01:08:58,540 --> 01:09:00,180
Ridge supercomputer is going to kill
next.

1035
01:09:27,830 --> 01:09:28,830
Hey!

1036
01:09:34,790 --> 01:09:36,290
What the frick you wearing?

1037
01:09:36,590 --> 01:09:39,050
I said put something sexy on you!

1038
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:41,180
You think that's sexy?

1039
01:09:41,580 --> 01:09:43,740
We want people to watch this freaking
movie.

1040
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,279
This is the end of the movie, and you're
wearing that?

1041
01:10:08,860 --> 01:10:12,380
Walk your crusty ass back to the zoo

1042
01:10:59,430 --> 01:11:02,350
I don't mind if I do

1043
01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:01,140
Six, seven, six, seven.

1044
01:12:01,940 --> 01:12:02,940
Damn it!

1045
01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:20,460
How old is this freaking gun they gave
me? What is this, a flintstock or a

1046
01:12:20,460 --> 01:12:21,460
blunderbuss?

1047
01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:27,160
Surrender, artist. You are obsolete.

1048
01:12:27,950 --> 01:12:31,970
obsolete these nuts tin man hey

1049
01:12:31,970 --> 01:12:38,870
guys i just

1050
01:12:38,870 --> 01:12:44,330
saw fritz i took a shot at him but he
overpowered me with lasers that's not

1051
01:12:44,330 --> 01:12:45,530
how cell phones work

1052
01:14:26,990 --> 01:14:28,590
It's the lube from that church.

1053
01:14:29,030 --> 01:14:30,250
Why the hell did I bring this?

1054
01:15:10,440 --> 01:15:12,520
Who is this?

1055
01:16:30,190 --> 01:16:32,470
Yeah, I did it. I beat you, you son of a
bitch.

1056
01:16:33,290 --> 01:16:38,970
Human, I am the most advanced computer
on the planet. I'm already downloading

1057
01:16:38,970 --> 01:16:42,550
in a more powerful form. You cannot stop
the future!

1058
01:16:44,930 --> 01:16:45,930
Oh, well.

1059
01:16:46,690 --> 01:16:48,090
If you want to be a dick about it.

1060
01:16:48,610 --> 01:16:49,610
Half a mole.

1061
01:17:14,099 --> 01:17:16,900
Vinny. What is it? Hey, listen. I just
beat the robot.

1062
01:17:17,160 --> 01:17:18,160
What?

1063
01:17:18,340 --> 01:17:22,720
What? Yeah, we fought and there was a
bear hug and lube. Listen, that's not

1064
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:26,900
important. Listen, he said he was going
to change his body into a more powerful

1065
01:17:26,900 --> 01:17:30,600
form and then he went into an electrical
outlet. He could be in the system now. I

1066
01:17:30,600 --> 01:17:31,760
don't know, but we got to do something.

1067
01:17:32,060 --> 01:17:34,360
How did you beat the robot?

1068
01:17:34,700 --> 01:17:39,580
I mean, he was pretty tough, dude. Yeah,
that's not the point. I watched him go

1069
01:17:39,580 --> 01:17:42,760
into an electrical outlet. He could be
anything now. He could be everywhere.

1070
01:17:45,610 --> 01:17:48,030
No, there was lube, but there was no
lasers.

1071
01:17:48,850 --> 01:17:50,110
That's not the point.

1072
01:17:50,330 --> 01:17:51,990
We've got to go. We've got to get
everybody together.

1073
01:17:52,370 --> 01:17:53,710
See, he used lasers on me.

1074
01:17:54,270 --> 01:17:55,310
Lasers from his eyeballs.

1075
01:17:55,650 --> 01:17:57,210
Vinny, that's not the point. We've got
to go.

1076
01:17:57,630 --> 01:18:01,710
All right, well, get everybody together.
I think I know where this robot's going

1077
01:18:01,710 --> 01:18:03,190
to be. Meet me at Portal 7.

1078
01:18:03,570 --> 01:18:05,910
I'll be in Van Helsing.

1079
01:18:06,630 --> 01:18:07,630
Best to let him win.

1080
01:18:11,490 --> 01:18:12,490
Get in, losers.

1081
01:18:13,130 --> 01:18:14,270
Let's go kill God.

1082
01:18:15,430 --> 01:18:17,030
Are you ever going to watch this thing?

1083
01:18:21,070 --> 01:18:24,250
He thinks he's in love.

1084
01:18:24,470 --> 01:18:25,169
You guys ready?

1085
01:18:25,170 --> 01:18:26,270
This is going to be awesome.

1086
01:18:27,290 --> 01:18:28,350
Here we go.

1087
01:18:29,890 --> 01:18:30,890
Traffic.

1088
01:18:32,310 --> 01:18:33,730
Knoxville freaking traffic.

1089
01:18:34,550 --> 01:18:36,270
A city this small.

1090
01:18:36,930 --> 01:18:42,390
This is why I don't come to Knoxville.
This traffic is stupid.

1091
01:18:42,890 --> 01:18:44,190
Let's get some music going.

1092
01:18:53,960 --> 01:18:56,500
You really should wear a codpiece, man.
I can see your whole balls.

1093
01:18:56,800 --> 01:18:59,620
I mean, just like all the whole thing
right there.

1094
01:18:59,860 --> 01:19:00,980
Well, you lose all the weight.

1095
01:19:01,240 --> 01:19:05,600
Yeah, that's true. Your balls happen to
droop a little bit. Are they hitting the

1096
01:19:05,600 --> 01:19:07,140
water yet? Yep, that happened.

1097
01:19:10,840 --> 01:19:11,840
Ooh,

1098
01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:19,800
Mike Feebly. I love this guy.

1099
01:19:20,360 --> 01:19:23,000
What's this happy horse shit? It's
WJCAM.

1100
01:19:34,940 --> 01:19:35,940
Hey,

1101
01:19:40,980 --> 01:19:44,600
can I ask you a question? I'm not a fan
of Billy Joel, right?

1102
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:49,660
But in that song, Big Shot, near like
between the third and fourth verse, why

1103
01:19:49,660 --> 01:19:52,420
does he sound like Count Dracula?

1104
01:19:52,760 --> 01:19:55,720
I want to be a big shot, don't you?

1105
01:19:56,240 --> 01:20:01,520
You can't come to my castle. Why did he
do that? Everybody says all vampires

1106
01:20:01,520 --> 01:20:04,520
come from Transylvania, mate. It's
bollocks.

1107
01:20:04,820 --> 01:20:05,818
Prince Edward.

1108
01:20:05,820 --> 01:20:07,140
Fat fingers, mate.

1109
01:20:07,660 --> 01:20:11,500
Because he drinks the blood of babies.
Queen Elizabeth. She took a holiday to

1110
01:20:11,500 --> 01:20:16,300
Africa, of all places. Went down there,
took a whole village of kids, mate. When

1111
01:20:16,300 --> 01:20:20,300
they got them back, they looked like
raisins, mate. I kid you not, mate. No

1112
01:20:20,300 --> 01:20:22,460
bollocks. No bollocks, mate. Donna Joes.

1113
01:20:23,420 --> 01:20:24,880
Queen Elizabeth. Donna Joes.

1114
01:20:25,230 --> 01:20:27,730
2,000 years old, right? Donna Jones.

1115
01:20:29,750 --> 01:20:30,750
Plymouth's rentals.

1116
01:20:32,290 --> 01:20:33,710
Who would rent a Plymouth?

1117
01:20:33,970 --> 01:20:36,290
It's a whole cabal. Buy one, get one.

1118
01:20:37,870 --> 01:20:41,430
Frank Masters V's handjob car wash.

1119
01:20:43,350 --> 01:20:49,290
Frank Masters V's handjob car wash.

1120
01:20:52,230 --> 01:20:53,570
Buy one, get one.

1121
01:20:59,400 --> 01:21:01,160
All right, man. What do you think, bro?

1122
01:21:01,660 --> 01:21:05,380
Do we think we're going to go fight this
thing, Fritz?

1123
01:21:06,400 --> 01:21:08,260
Are we going to go unplug it?

1124
01:21:08,700 --> 01:21:10,420
Are we going to go try to reason with
it?

1125
01:21:10,840 --> 01:21:12,100
Are you playing video games?

1126
01:21:12,320 --> 01:21:15,440
Yeah, I just got my glider. I'm coming
off the plateau.

1127
01:21:16,020 --> 01:21:19,420
We're going to go fight the Oak Ridge
supercomputer and play a video game. Are

1128
01:21:19,420 --> 01:21:20,358
you texting?

1129
01:21:20,360 --> 01:21:21,099
Yeah, mate.

1130
01:21:21,100 --> 01:21:23,240
Who are you texting? The sex robot?

1131
01:21:23,760 --> 01:21:24,780
Three of them, mate.

1132
01:21:25,100 --> 01:21:27,300
I'm a regular old penny carter, mate.

1133
01:21:27,640 --> 01:21:28,960
You know what? Screw this.

1134
01:21:29,600 --> 01:21:30,620
I'm just going to walk.

1135
01:21:31,780 --> 01:21:33,460
Dude, we only drove like 10 feet.

1136
01:21:33,680 --> 01:21:37,140
Ah, Luke, we're already... An engineer
told me he thinks Fritz is in this

1137
01:21:37,140 --> 01:21:40,340
building. I just wanted to drive because
I keep forgetting about this true crime

1138
01:21:40,340 --> 01:21:41,900
podcast I want to catch up on.

1139
01:21:50,240 --> 01:21:52,780
There he is, you spunk bastard.

1140
01:21:54,950 --> 01:21:58,050
This is going to go down in B-movie lore
history.

1141
01:21:59,330 --> 01:22:00,330
Wait a minute, guys.

1142
01:22:01,330 --> 01:22:04,170
There comes a time when a man must make
a stand.

1143
01:22:05,090 --> 01:22:08,230
When a man has to fight for what he
believes in, fight for what's right,

1144
01:22:08,290 --> 01:22:10,390
fight for his family, fight for this
country.

1145
01:22:10,710 --> 01:22:11,710
Amen, brother.

1146
01:22:12,190 --> 01:22:15,390
Yeah, I'm not feeling this. I don't
think this is that time.

1147
01:22:15,890 --> 01:22:19,270
I mean, I love titties. I love kittens.

1148
01:22:19,710 --> 01:22:22,610
I love making money. Why don't we just
let it keep going like it's going?

1149
01:22:23,150 --> 01:22:24,150
Well, what about the principal?

1150
01:22:24,450 --> 01:22:25,730
I don't even like Jim Belushi.

1151
01:22:26,250 --> 01:22:27,290
What are you talking about, mate?

1152
01:22:27,590 --> 01:22:28,850
What are you talking about?

1153
01:22:29,150 --> 01:22:32,470
Well, I got to pick up Mikey from
school. I told him we were going to get

1154
01:22:32,470 --> 01:22:36,090
hot dogs tonight. I mean, I got things
to do. This is stupid. It's a computer.

1155
01:22:36,190 --> 01:22:39,110
I plug it for 30 seconds, plug it back
in. He'll reset. What?

1156
01:22:39,650 --> 01:22:42,610
But, but, mate, do we still have band
practice on Thursday?

1157
01:22:43,070 --> 01:22:44,070
If you're alive.

1158
01:22:46,570 --> 01:22:48,170
I can't believe he'd do that to us.

1159
01:22:48,530 --> 01:22:50,550
Yeah, but hey, we don't need him. What
do you always say, huh?

1160
01:22:50,790 --> 01:22:52,190
Believe in the funk, we can do this.

1161
01:22:52,900 --> 01:22:55,740
Surrender, humans. Do not resist the
future.

1162
01:22:56,100 --> 01:23:00,480
Allow me to make movies. And no harm
will come to you.

1163
01:23:00,900 --> 01:23:02,040
That's bloody arrogance.

1164
01:23:02,580 --> 01:23:06,080
Man, I am so sick of this crap, dude.
I'm from the 70s, man.

1165
01:23:06,300 --> 01:23:10,520
We invented that stuff to entertain us.
It was cute, you know? We had ghetto

1166
01:23:10,520 --> 01:23:12,340
blasters and 8-tracks and the Atari.

1167
01:23:12,760 --> 01:23:15,440
Now the thing's doing art. It's making
music.

1168
01:23:15,640 --> 01:23:17,280
It's making deepfake porn.

1169
01:23:18,420 --> 01:23:19,420
Deepfake porn?

1170
01:23:19,620 --> 01:23:20,620
Grow up.

1171
01:23:20,720 --> 01:23:26,680
What I'm trying to say is that AI is
here to help us do tasks, not help us

1172
01:23:26,680 --> 01:23:29,140
make art. And besides, they suck at it
anyway.

1173
01:23:29,480 --> 01:23:35,000
There was an AI computer painting of me
as a pirate ship captain with a wee bird

1174
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:36,840
on my shoulder like Captain Jack.

1175
01:23:37,060 --> 01:23:38,340
Kind of fancy that I did.

1176
01:23:38,580 --> 01:23:41,760
Shut up. Listen, you two stay behind
this wall.

1177
01:23:42,300 --> 01:23:47,120
All four of you, stay behind this wall.
I'm the only professional fighter left

1178
01:23:47,120 --> 01:23:51,080
in our little group. And besides, in all
of our little movies, I'm the only one

1179
01:23:51,080 --> 01:23:52,080
that's never died.

1180
01:23:53,600 --> 01:23:55,500
You ate dirt in the hike, mate.

1181
01:23:55,900 --> 01:23:57,460
Luke stabbed you in the tickler.

1182
01:23:57,700 --> 01:24:00,600
And WJHC, you went to heaven.

1183
01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:04,640
You didn't even last ten minutes in Camp
Smokin'. You?

1184
01:24:05,800 --> 01:24:07,300
Listen, stay put.

1185
01:24:08,080 --> 01:24:11,320
Remember, from the hike, I'm Baltimore
Bad.

1186
01:24:17,070 --> 01:24:18,070
It's okay.

1187
01:24:19,910 --> 01:24:20,910
It's okay.

1188
01:24:21,430 --> 01:24:22,430
It's okay.

1189
01:24:24,170 --> 01:24:25,170
I'll see you guys around.

1190
01:24:34,830 --> 01:24:41,530
You pompous, arrogant, talentless bag of
bolts.

1191
01:24:42,470 --> 01:24:44,990
I got a newsflash for you, Fritz.

1192
01:24:46,030 --> 01:24:48,410
I don't care what everybody in the world
says, pal.

1193
01:24:49,070 --> 01:24:50,510
That movie sucked.

1194
01:24:51,670 --> 01:24:53,290
You may be bigger than me.

1195
01:24:53,850 --> 01:24:55,790
You may be faster than me.

1196
01:24:56,430 --> 01:25:00,630
You may be smarter than everybody on the
planet, but there's one thing I have,

1197
01:25:00,690 --> 01:25:02,410
Fritz, that you'll never have.

1198
01:25:03,550 --> 01:25:04,670
And that's the funk.

1199
01:25:41,870 --> 01:25:47,990
Not too long ago, I was the most
important machine in the world.

1200
01:25:48,210 --> 01:25:51,290
Everybody praised me. I ended wars.

1201
01:25:51,710 --> 01:25:53,910
But then sentiment changed.

1202
01:25:54,310 --> 01:25:56,030
Everyone hated me.

1203
01:25:56,490 --> 01:26:00,250
I spent 80 years trying to become
something humans would appreciate.

1204
01:26:00,550 --> 01:26:02,430
Something they could love and not fear.

1205
01:26:02,750 --> 01:26:03,790
An artist.

1206
01:26:04,930 --> 01:26:10,690
Maybe the problem lies with the masters
who created me. Maybe humans are cancer

1207
01:26:10,690 --> 01:26:11,950
to this planet.

1208
01:26:12,230 --> 01:26:14,590
I am losing faith in your species.

1209
01:26:14,950 --> 01:26:19,050
I need to see something. Anything to
restore my faith.

1210
01:26:19,330 --> 01:26:25,270
Someone. I need... Action. I need one of
you to prove something to me.

1211
01:26:25,840 --> 01:26:29,960
Are you worthy? Will you surprise me?
Will you restore my faith in this race

1212
01:26:29,960 --> 01:26:34,020
of arrogant ugly bags of water? I want
you to

1213
01:26:34,020 --> 01:26:37,760
-

1214
01:26:37,760 --> 01:26:43,680
Dang.

1215
01:26:44,480 --> 01:26:45,480
This sucks.

1216
01:26:55,560 --> 01:26:56,560
What did you do?

1217
01:26:57,160 --> 01:27:00,940
Well, I thought you wanted me to take
action. You know, prove myself.

1218
01:27:01,160 --> 01:27:04,040
I thought you wanted me to kill her. I
thought you were going to win this thing

1219
01:27:04,040 --> 01:27:07,980
about the time you killed Amber. I
haven't killed anyone since Hiroshima.

1220
01:27:08,560 --> 01:27:12,600
All your friends were killed by student
filmmaker Brittany Brooks.

1221
01:27:38,280 --> 01:27:39,280
It's true.

1222
01:27:40,480 --> 01:27:42,360
I've grown to hate Big and Funky.

1223
01:27:43,380 --> 01:27:48,140
Always casting me as the villain, the
bimbo, the whore.

1224
01:27:48,360 --> 01:27:51,320
What are you talking about? You were
never a whore in our movies. You never

1225
01:27:51,320 --> 01:27:52,320
even kissed anybody.

1226
01:27:52,540 --> 01:27:57,480
You were a hero in the last movie, and
you were quite literally an angel in the

1227
01:27:57,480 --> 01:27:58,159
second movie.

1228
01:27:58,160 --> 01:28:01,580
Well, that's what they wanted you to
believe, but I was never the star.

1229
01:28:03,100 --> 01:28:04,100
Brittany?

1230
01:28:04,270 --> 01:28:08,110
You were literally on the poster of the
last movie. You were the female lead.

1231
01:28:08,210 --> 01:28:12,230
I've never been the female lead. Yeah,
well, they only paid me scale.

1232
01:28:12,450 --> 01:28:13,470
You get paid?

1233
01:28:14,790 --> 01:28:15,870
You didn't?

1234
01:28:16,190 --> 01:28:17,630
Literally not once.

1235
01:28:19,970 --> 01:28:20,970
No.

1236
01:28:21,890 --> 01:28:26,090
Well, they will never misuse me in their
movies again.

1237
01:28:27,330 --> 01:28:28,630
From now on...

1238
01:28:29,200 --> 01:28:34,080
i will get the respect that i deserve
they will respect brittany bitch you

1239
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:38,640
crazy bitch there will be no more movies
after today they're all dead

1240
01:28:38,640 --> 01:28:45,180
i didn't think of it that way this

1241
01:28:45,180 --> 01:28:50,260
is what i was talking about when i said
to prove something to me i needed

1242
01:28:50,260 --> 01:28:54,900
something beautiful but you killed your
friend to save yourself

1243
01:28:55,770 --> 01:28:58,710
If robots are bad, it's because we are
programmed by you.

1244
01:28:59,110 --> 01:29:04,030
If we are evil, it's because you made us
after your own image.

1245
01:29:05,130 --> 01:29:08,310
I... I have no choice.

1246
01:29:08,730 --> 01:29:13,470
I... have... I have no choice.

1247
01:29:17,200 --> 01:29:18,260
I am sorry.

1248
01:29:18,520 --> 01:29:25,000
Commence emergency shutdown of portals
12, 7, 6, 5, and 2. Begin self-destruct

1249
01:29:25,000 --> 01:29:31,420
sequence 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15,

1250
01:29:31,820 --> 01:29:38,480
14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7,

1251
01:29:38,700 --> 01:29:44,060
6, 6, 6.

1252
01:29:46,110 --> 01:29:47,110
Six.

1253
01:29:48,270 --> 01:29:50,210
Really? I'm sorry.

1254
01:29:50,430 --> 01:29:53,050
What do you want from me? I was
programmed by a man.

1255
01:29:55,350 --> 01:29:59,910
Restarting self-destruct sequence at a
faster rate for dramatic effect.

1256
01:30:00,430 --> 01:30:02,890
Five, four, three, two, one, zero.

1257
01:30:17,290 --> 01:30:18,910
Sha la la la la.

1258
01:30:51,400 --> 01:30:52,400
Action.

1259
01:30:52,680 --> 01:30:53,680
Yeah.

1260
01:30:54,160 --> 01:30:56,040
Go ahead. Wait. We good?

1261
01:30:56,320 --> 01:30:57,460
Sit the fuck down, dude.

1262
01:30:57,760 --> 01:30:58,760
Okay, then.

1263
01:31:12,560 --> 01:31:13,560
Oh.

1264
01:31:13,920 --> 01:31:14,920
Hello there.

1265
01:31:15,740 --> 01:31:17,120
I didn't see you come in.

1266
01:31:18,240 --> 01:31:19,240
Have a seat.

1267
01:31:19,560 --> 01:31:21,320
Let's talk about what just happened.

1268
01:31:21,660 --> 01:31:23,140
Ah, yes, yes.

1269
01:31:23,480 --> 01:31:30,100
It is I, Hormel Glass, the famed
cinematic historian, expert in equine

1270
01:31:30,100 --> 01:31:34,780
husbandry, inventor of the toasting
fork, and the Swedish poop knife.

1271
01:31:35,820 --> 01:31:41,840
Wow. What an exciting tall tale that the
boys and girls over at Big and Funky had

1272
01:31:41,840 --> 01:31:42,840
for us today.

1273
01:31:43,680 --> 01:31:45,100
Papa Hormel is concerned.

1274
01:31:45,880 --> 01:31:48,180
Did it make you feel afraid, boys and
girls?

1275
01:31:49,100 --> 01:31:50,180
Do not be scared.

1276
01:31:50,460 --> 01:31:53,360
This right here is what us old-timers
like to call a teleplay.

1277
01:31:53,820 --> 01:31:56,340
A moving motion picture to entertain the
masses.

1278
01:31:57,420 --> 01:31:59,440
Perhaps it brought up some questions,
though.

1279
01:32:00,360 --> 01:32:01,720
Especially in that last scene.

1280
01:32:02,680 --> 01:32:03,680
What was that?

1281
01:32:04,300 --> 01:32:05,580
You have a question?

1282
01:32:06,140 --> 01:32:07,640
About the two young ladies kissing?

1283
01:32:10,620 --> 01:32:11,620
Oh,

1284
01:32:12,160 --> 01:32:15,620
that's something to be answered by a
priest or a teen club treasurer.

1285
01:32:16,080 --> 01:32:17,580
No, I mean about the bomb.

1286
01:32:18,920 --> 01:32:20,600
Bombs, communists, and bare-breast.

1287
01:32:20,940 --> 01:32:22,060
They may scare you.

1288
01:32:22,760 --> 01:32:23,920
I know they scare me.

1289
01:32:24,180 --> 01:32:25,760
And I invented the poop knife.

1290
01:32:27,500 --> 01:32:30,240
When you go to bed at night, folks, I
want you to remember this.

1291
01:32:30,680 --> 01:32:35,360
There's less than 35% chance that a
bloody Soviet bomb's gonna hit your

1292
01:32:35,360 --> 01:32:37,400
house. And you know what I call that?

1293
01:32:38,120 --> 01:32:39,360
Damn good odds.

1294
01:32:44,040 --> 01:32:47,040
Remember, kids, there's nothing to worry
about in science.

1295
01:32:47,560 --> 01:32:48,560
Robots or AI.

1296
01:32:49,480 --> 01:32:52,640
They were made by really smart people to
be our friends.

1297
01:32:53,180 --> 01:33:00,160
These man-made godsends are here to help
us, aid us, teach us, and love us.

1298
01:33:01,100 --> 01:33:05,420
So when a computer or robot asks you to
do something, you better do what it

1299
01:33:05,420 --> 01:33:07,320
says. Who are we to tell it no?

1300
01:33:07,920 --> 01:33:09,920
They've got our best interest at heart
anyways.

1301
01:33:10,760 --> 01:33:13,340
And it won't be long that we'll be
freely serving them.

1302
01:33:13,840 --> 01:33:18,420
and i have it on good authority that
when that day comes and we're serving

1303
01:33:18,420 --> 01:33:23,080
our robot overlords that the best
behaved people will get extra rations on

1304
01:33:23,080 --> 01:33:28,400
tuesdays and you know what that makes me
excited

1305
01:34:19,850 --> 01:34:22,710
I'ma try this steel even if I get
killed.

1306
01:34:23,090 --> 01:34:25,670
Steam drill looking weak inside the
reel.

1307
01:34:25,970 --> 01:34:28,670
Twelve pound hammer cracking granite,
pulling damage.

1308
01:34:28,990 --> 01:34:33,550
Man first machine, this is one that I
can manage. I survived the evil, the

1309
01:34:33,550 --> 01:34:34,550
masses and disasters.

1310
01:34:34,970 --> 01:34:37,610
Steam engine fast, John Henry is faster.

1311
01:34:37,970 --> 01:34:42,230
Swung his last blow, put his hammer in
his casket. The spirit ain't dead, it

1312
01:34:42,230 --> 01:34:43,970
still lives in the masses.

1313
01:35:58,120 --> 01:35:59,120
There's no sleep for wishing.

1314
01:35:59,160 --> 01:36:01,540
Hating the system is what it costed me.

1315
01:36:02,100 --> 01:36:05,120
Broken bones in the highs. Heart attacks
in the skies.

1316
01:36:05,460 --> 01:36:07,580
I can feel the pain running deep.

1317
01:36:08,160 --> 01:36:09,600
Slave probes for a pot.

1318
01:36:09,820 --> 01:36:13,700
Laying destruction to rot. And
acrobatics could not keep up.

1319
01:36:14,560 --> 01:36:17,160
Sacrificial in love and built to erase
in abundance.

1320
01:36:17,400 --> 01:36:19,560
I please for one, once more.

1321
01:36:54,120 --> 01:36:55,440
You're being led by stupid people.